What am I looking at?!
Read on for…
Word of the month
Talk to me
My current obsessions
Podcast recs
Life updates
Word of the month
The word of the month is brought to you by a constellation of inspirations: a pattern that emerges over time and conjures a particular word. Then we get to explore the etymology of that word! Because, rabbit holes. Also, those six years of Latin as a teen means I can’t shake the habit of pondering the roots of words that catch my interest.
This month’s word is psychedelic, from Greek psykhē "mind" ( psyche) + dēloun "make visible, reveal" (from dēlos "visible, clear," from PIE root *dyeu- "to shine").
The constellation that brought me here:
I watched Fantastic Fungi with my housemate a few months ago.
I did a tape sync (when an audio person heads to a site with all their gear, presses record and makes sure the sound quality is *chef’s kiss*) and was a fly on the wall with two neuroscientists discussing MDMA-assisted therapy for PTSD. I visited their home, which essentially a four-walled functional kaleidoscope of colorful, vibrant artwork.
I went on a first date with a Spiritual Response Therapist who knows *ALOT* about psychedelics. It was cute.
Have I taken psychedelics yet? No.
Am I intrigued and noticing a wee lil’ pattern my brain is enjoying? Yuuuuuup.
Rabbit holes lead me to tangents, which often help me understand myself and the world around me better. Learning more about psychedelics has me wondering about plant medicine, the “tapestry” of my own self-care, connecting with others, neurological pathways and neuroplasticity.
Questions: How do you challenge yourself to grow as a person and heal? Do you take medicine? Go out of your comfort zone? What’s your word of the month?
Talk to me!
This section is an opportunity to call in, share your story and maybe… be on a show? By calling in you are giving me permission to use the tape for creative purposes <3
“When I grow up I wanna be…”
Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? Did you ever tell an adult (family member, teacher)? What did they say/how did they respond, and how did that impact you? You can share your story with me through Speak Pipe (essentially leaving me an online voice mail).
Four current obsessions
MINIATURES
I never thought I would be into making teeny tiny versions of things. Yes, I can appreciate that iddybiddy sushi is widdle and cute, but my excitement for minuscule cupcakes and microscopic greenhouses typically scales with the tiny thing I’m looking at. Meaning, I only care a very, little bit. But lately I’ve been SUPER into making detailed miniatures of my own beloved audio equipment.
What I love about working with miniatures is how the rest of the world completely falls away. All of my attention is focused on a two inch radius of energy, emanating from the little tiny blob of Sculpey transforming in front of me. Listening to deep house is great for this activity. Check out the miniatures in my Etsy shop, Waveform Ceramics.
CENTAURWORLD
I have so much to say about Centaurworld, a children’s animated series on Netflix. No, this isn’t a paid ad. I’m just THAT into it. It’s got an amazing score full of choral arrangements, killer lead vocals, ear-grabbing harmonies and goosebump inducing, emotionally charged reprises. There is silliness, complexity and so much body language. It’s truly a treat to watch: like a hearty dessert with enough fruit on top that we can safely call it breakfast and have it twice in a row.
I may be biased since I already have a thing for animated horses. I’ll say more later, and write about why Spirit is an INCREDIBLE MOVIE in the future, don’t fret.
Here’s what you need to know about Centaurworld:
A horse and her rider live in a war-torn world where they are constantly in battle. They get separated during a fight and a portal opens; horse falls into Centaurworld, a cute and colorful place where everything down to the snails are four-legged, flat-faced and magical (three key centaur traits). Horse is a cynical badass who is then adopted by a motley “herd” of centaurs who join her on her quest to reunite with her rider, who is still in the other world.
This show is queer, fearless, fun and funny. Tune in for smart writing about boundaries, trauma and gigglecakes.
GRIEF
Writing poetry, singing and dancing helps me process my emotions. I’m not ready to sing and dance in this newsletter, so here is a sad poem I wrote a few years ago while heartbroken. I’m feeling significantly better now, but it still hits every now and then. I’m told grief and healing isn’t linear, and this helps me have compassion for my own process.
If you’re feeling kind of sad, maybe now would be a good time to take a deep breath (from your belly, not your chest… my physical therapist recently informed me I’ve been breathing wrong (!?)) and read a sad poem.
grief
sudden: a charley horse in the middle of the night, seized up and frozen
the only way to endure is to grab at it, grip it with all your might.
an underwire bent out of place over time, digging in quietly, relentlessly.
files of papers you never knew you had, overturned
a cloudy, eerie body of water with mysterious objects hidden in the silt, uncomfortable underneath your feet, unsettling but familiar to the touch
a stunning song, a lyric, a single line, a weighted word, a sigh, however faint
laying in bed, holding your own hand for comfort.
unbearably loud: the mirror. the clock.
one plate less
bad memories, why did i say this, why did i do that
good memories that hurt even more
a photograph you weren't expecting,
an unfinished
“I’M A FREELANCER NOW” TROPES
Three tropes brought to you by a newly knighted, self-employed, small-business-owning freelancer. I’m here to tell you that after three months of doing this, all the rumors about what happens when you go off the corporate grid is true!
Money feels imaginary. Mocking up my own invoices can feel like playing with monopoly money, especially when the turnaround can range from three business days to… forty-five. Here are some resources that are helping me so far:
Informational interviews/real talks with with indie producers, freelancers and consultants
The Freelance Solidarity Project & the database for rate-sharing!
Aiming higher than I think I should
My boss can be a real pain in the ass… oh wait… that’s me. Now that I’m self-employed, I’m really not in the mood to deal with this disrespectful perfectionist who stocks the office kitchen with really, really sad snacks. Turns out being a freelancer also means working on yourself and investing in snacks so you can be nicer to yourself. Sigh.
I think I have ADHD. There’s more to say about this, but basically, without the rigid structure of a 9-5, I find myself in a different rabbit hole every three hours with a trail of projects in my wake as I hyper focus on my Current Obsessions and forget to eat.
Good things (3)
Podcast talk time! In this section I share whatever new audio is on the menu along with my own show, Material Feels, and recommend two additional treats to add to your listening queue.
Make sure to catch up on this Material Feels episode from October if you haven’t already, where I talk about Waveform Ceramics, an audio-themed Etsy shop that I stock from my garage in Oakland, CA, and what “filling one’s cup” feels and sounds like. Material Feels episodes come out mid-month - the next one is scheduled for TOMORROW, Wednesday, November 17th, and we’ll be talking about the music Associate Producer Elizabeth de Lise composes for the show!
Everything Is Alive, hosted by comedian Ian Chillag via Radiotopia. An intriguing, fun show where the host interviews inanimate objects played by an actor. It's funny, weird and transportive. My favorite episodes are Maeve, The Lampost, set in Brooklyn, or Louis, a Can of Cola... which beautifully speaks on death through the perspective of a can of soda. Highly recommend.
Subtitle, a production of Quiet Juice and the Linguistic Society of America, hosted by Patrick Cox and Kavita Pillay. This show is all about linguistics, one of my favorite subjects! Try the episode on accent bias, sounding "Black" and technology, or for something really mind-blowing about the nature of language itself, the episode on Nicaraguan Sign-Language.
In a nutshell (life updates)
Love: I’m going to be a quadruple auntie! In 2022 I’ll have a total of four niblings. Can’t wait to tell you more about them. In September I fell in love with a studio cat and they like helping me on the potter’s wheel. In October I fell head over heels for Masabacha. And November, well, November isn’t over yet.
Recent interviews: I’ve been on a few podcasts recently: check out Shame Pinata with Colleen Thomas, where I talk about using ritual and ceremony to get through a hard break up. I was also on Connected in Glass, where I talk about my studio practice and how I (try to) maintain my mental health.
Thank for tuning into Rabbit Hole Buffet!
Until next time,
C